Zombie Shakespeare Quotes

William Shakespeare died in 1616. In 1992, Bart Simpson and his sister Lisa used a book of black magic to raise him from the dead. For a brief period of time, the “immortal bard” was actually immortal and he roamed the earth once again. Somehow he ended up in Springfield and after a brief return to his former glory, he was blasted with a shotgun by Homer Simpson. Before he died (again) he uttered the words, “Is this the end of Zombie Shakespeare?”

Fortunately, it was not.

Zombie Shakespeare managed to survive the ordeal and while the other zombies of Springfield were forced back into their graves, he was able to crawl to safety. His flesh was rotting and his brain was severely deteriorated, but he was still able to pick up a pen and instinctively do what he did best – write. Unfortunately, he was not able to come up with anything new since he was so decomposed, but he was able to update his previous classic work using his newfound zombie perspective.

So without further adieu...

All world is stage, all men and women be food. They have their arms and their legs; and one zombie in his time eat many parts.

O Romeo! O Romeo! Where is you Romeo? Oh, me forgot, me kill him.

If you prick me, me no bleed. If you tickle me, me no laugh. If you poison me, me no die If you wrong me, shall me not bite your head?

Better part of valour is discretion. Me no know what either of those words mean.

Me hath eaten him out of face and bone.

Brute you! What you do!

Double double toil and trouble; fire bad and cauldron is heavy

No off with my head!

Out damn spot out I say! Wait, me covered in blood. This spot pretty small in comparison to all blood on my body.

Me will wear my heart on my sleeve for crows to pick at.

Be not afraid of chainsaw. Some have chainsaw, some get chainsaw, and some have chainsaw thrust upon them.

Monkey virus doth make zombies of us all.

The lady doth protest too much, methinks (no change).

A man can die but once. Unless you Shakespeare.

And with a final stroke of his quill, Zombie Shakespeare put the finishing touches on his modern work. He then slumped in his chair, praying for death to shuffle him off this mortal coil. Good thing because right then a zombie hunter burst into the room and sawed off Zombie Shakespeare’s head. Rest well Zombie Shakespeare, you have given the world much more than any man or zombie could ever hope for.