The Curse of Yellow Teeth

A man walks quietly along a pebble road in a park on a sunny day. He sits down on a bench and looks up into the blue sky while breathing in the fresh air. Children are playing on the playground and laughter abounds. A squirrel with a big bushy tail jumps up onto the bench and curiously inches towards the man. With its tiny paws alternating between reaching out and being kept close to its body, the squirrel crawls up into the man’s lap. With its marble-like eyes, it looks into the face of the human visitor. The man smiles. All of a sudden, the squirrel lets out a primal yelp and stumbles backwards over itself. It runs away at a speed that can only be reached by a living being fleeing from something truly repulsive. The man’s shock is replaced by the realization that the squirrel was disgusted by the sight of his yellow teeth. Before he can close his mouth, it starts to rain and the sun is blocked out by an ominous cloud that is both thick and grey. The man covers his mouth but it is too late. Rain falls and the sound of birds chirping ends with a simultaneous thunder clap. Oh horror of horrors! Now apologetically tearful, the man falls to his knees and regrets unleashing his yellow teeth onto the world. His hands are on the ground and encased in mud, barely able to support his hunched body. He looks over to the playground but it is too late – the children have all exploded.

Let’s face it, yellow teeth are gross. Whether it’s a notion that has been propagated by the media, or it’s just a simple fact of existence is not clear. It is nearly impossible not to recoil at the sight of big shiny yellow teeth. Luckily there are methods to both prevent and treat yellow teeth so that the realistic example presented in the opening of this article doesn’t have to happen in real life. There plenty of good products to whiten your teeth that are affordable as well.

The first thing you should know is teeth are not always naturally white. The dentin underneath your teeth is yellow so if your enamel on top is thin, you will have yellower teeth. This might not come as good news to some since it means you were bestowed this condition by your parents who probably stole money from a gypsy thereby resulting in their offspring being cursed with the spell of yellow teeth. Yellow teeth can also come with age as enamel, in addition to the chances of your dreams coming true, becomes thinner. Certain foods with staining properties can also make your teeth yellow. So if someone invites you to an all you can eat coffee, curry, blueberry, red wine, and mustard buffet you should probably decline. And despite its delicious flavour and coolness-heightening abilities, smoking is also a well-known factor in the yellowing of teeth. Avoiding these things in combination with a regular dental hygiene routine will go a long way to keeping your teeth clean. Remember, your teeth come into intimate contact with materials that you would otherwise not expose any other body part, so keeping them clean is essential.

Ok, so you couldn’t resist eating all that raspberry curry while smoking mustard flavoured cigarettes and now your teeth are yellow. What should you do? What is the answer to how to whiten yellow teeth? The first step is to get a monkey head, encase it with silver, mark it with the crest of the village elder and present it to the gypsy that cursed you. Failing that, there are a number of tooth whitening products that can help. The simplest and easiest things you can use are toothpastes and mouthwashes that promise “whitening action”. While not wholly effective on their own they can help. If you want noticeable results, you will have to be willing to spend more than two dollars on a tube of toothpaste. Teeth whitening strips offer good value for the money but keep in mind that you have to be dedicated to using them properly and consistently. Their effectiveness will also be reduced if you happen to have crooked teeth because they won’t be able to be applied evenly. Crooked teeth too, eh? Wow that gypsy really did a number on you.

These are the things that you can do on your own without the consultation of a professional, but if you want true longer lasting results for stained teeth, it’s your best bet to ask your dentist for adviceon how to whiten your teeth. He or she may be able to offer you more dedicated treatments for how to get rid of yellow teeth such as personalized teeth bleaching tools or even dental veneers (make sure to ask for the vampire ones). Some tooth whiteners can be applied according to your own schedule and your own pace, and even the ones over-the-counter will act as great teeth bleaching tools. Whitening your yellow teeth can be somewhat painful if you have sensitive gums so you might have to treat that first before you pursue dental bleaching. There are also homemade remedies that you can try but their results will vary. Things like brushing with baking soda or rinsing with salt and vinegar are suggested solutions to whiten teeth. But really, before you get to the point of gargling with vinegar every night, try not to let it get that far. Keep up a regular regime of dental hygiene and watch what goes into that dirty yap of yours.