13 Unnecessary Camping Supplies

Camping is a fun activity that can be enjoyed with the family or done in relaxing solitude. The point of camping is to get back to nature and become more in-tune with a surrounding that is increasingly unfamiliar to the common urbanite. At its core, camping should be basic and simple. Those who take the bare-bones approach to camping know that convenience sometimes comes at the expense of a true camping experience; however, within such an adventure lies the challenge of minimal living that strengthens the bonds between both nature and the people with whom we share the journey. By all means a camper should be well prepared and adequately equipped, but it seems that commercial creature comforts are increasingly nudging their way into the marketplace thereby robbing campers of the true outdoor living experience. Such products may make camping more comfortable but that in itself defeats the purpose of the activity. No one truly lives until he or she goes camping and runs out of toilet paper. What follows are 13 unnecessary camping supplies that no real camper would ever need.

Brunton Helios Stormproof Lighter ($65) – Of course you’ll need something to light your fires, but are you really going to spend sixty-five bucks on it? This thing is supposed work in windstorms and hurricanes, but where are you camping that there are windstorms and hurricanes? You don’t need a lighter; you need a better camping site guide. A regular lighter will do and your teenage daughter will probably have one because she’s been smoking behind your back since she was 13.

Platypus Platypreserve 800ml Wine Preservation System ($9.75) – For the discerning alcoholic who can’t go camping without booze and is unable to realize the fact that wine comes in its very own preservation system called a bottle. It's good to know camping accessories can be good for campers as well as homeless men.

Light My Fire Titanium Spork ($13.00) – Oh good, now we can have a spork that will survive the apocalypse.

Eagles Nest Outfitters DoubleNest Hammock (67.95) – Who are you Fred Flintstone? You would never be able to set up a Hammock in your own backyard, what makes you think you’ll be able to in the wilderness? At best you will only use this to drag the deer that you hit with your SUV off the road.

Petzl E97 PM Tikka Plus 2 Headlamp, Mystic Gray (39.95) – As if your kids didn’t think you were a big enough dork, now you’re walking around with a flashlight attached to your head. How about just buying a five dollar flashlight which would save you money in addition to reducing the chances you’ll be mistaken for an alien.

Fenix Flashlight White Diffuser Wand ($5.00) – This is the thing pictured up top. Your wife might like it, who knows.

Mountain House 72-Hour Emergency Meal Kit ($45.00) – You wouldn’t have needed this if you didn’t choose to camp in a place with windstorms and hurricanes. But now you’re trapped and forced to eat a selection of disgusting powdered food. You’d probably be better off resorting to cannibalism.

AIR GRILL BLOWER, Bbq Tool For Charcoal Grills, Camp Fires And Fireplaces (9.99) – This thing blows air onto your fire. Because you know, it’s not like we have anything easily accessible that could do that for us. Something like, oh I don’t know – a mouth.

Luvyduvy Freeze-Dried Neapolitan Ice Cream ($6.95) – Mmmm...dry ice cream.

Katadyn KFT Expedition Water Filter ($1650.00) – I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t have a camping water filter that cost more than my car. Just for my own self-esteem. Thanks.

Gerber Sport Axe ($46.00) – When the heck did Axe become a sport?

Wenzel Sycamore 18-by10-Foot-Seven-Person Three-Room Family Dome Tent (299.99) – First off, no tent should have rooms. Once a tent has rooms it ceases to be a tent and automatically becomes a portable apartment. Second, why are you camping with seven people? Camping is supposed to be something you do to get away from people, not confine yourself in a limited space with six others while their snores and body noises make you want to kill them in the night.

Adventure Medical Oral Rehydration Salts ($8.75) – Seriously, if you need these then you have severely screwed up camping.

Necessary Camping Gear

Ok, we’ve covered some of the things you don’t really need. Here’s a brief list of camping gear that every camper should have on their trip.

A good camping tent – In general, you should always look for camping tents that are one size too big for your needs. In other words, if your party consists of two people, then you might want to get a 4-person tent. You’ll really appreciate the extra room at night especially at night if you’re summer camping.

A charcoal grill – You could also go with gas, but lugging around fuel tanks isn’t that desirable for some people. Whatever you choose, a vital piece of camping gear for any party is a decent BBQ. There are many portable BBQs on the market that are portable while packing quite the cooking punch.

A sleeping bag – If you want to stay warm at night, you’ll need a good sleeping bag. Never just bring a blanket because it simply won’t be enough to keep you warm in the wild. A good sleeping bag will be snug and made out of that space-aged stuff that they use to insulate rocket ships.

A compass and map – If you’re going to stay in the same place then you can get away with just the GPS in your car. But if you’re going to do any manner of hiking or exploring then please consider a compass and map as necessary camping supplies. There’s nothing more annoying than people getting themselves lost when it’s totally preventable. Sure you might be able to rely on a rescue team to find you if you’re lost, but each and every member of that team will secretly wish you got eaten by beavers.